This is something that has been coming up a lot for me recently so I thought I would devote an entire blog post to it. Patient. One of the most ridiculous words around. Oh not the actual word itself, but what it evokes when someone says it to you. You know that feeling you get when you are eagerly anticipating something and someone says to you to just be patient? I don’t know about anyone else, but that pretty much has the opposite effect on me. If the person saying it to me doesn’t shy away from my death glare then they are simply not looking at me. In fact even writing about it is getting to me, but it is something that I need to learn.
The trouble is you see, I thought I had learned this. I’ve always been good at going with the flow and generally am pretty happy to do so. My mistake was in thinking this was being patient. It wasn’t until 2 years ago that I began to see that I in fact don’t have much patience at all.
2 years ago was a life changing moment for me. Sounds dramatic but it is entirely true. I got sick and had to fight to live. Some of this I had no control over, some of it I did. After 10 days in hospital I was sent home to get better, unable to walk for more than 5 minutes without being exhausted and needing help to do things I had taken for granted. It was then I learnt I was not exactly very patient. At all. My family will happily tell you I wanted to get back to normal yesterday and made my life and their’s hell at times by not taking it as easy as I should have. At other times I had no choice and lets just say I was not always happy about it.
But things got better and after only one biggish set back I am now fully recovered. I thought this had taught me that things take time and it will take as long as it takes, regardless of anything else. In other words, patience. WRONG!
It took me writing a complete novel and submitting it to publishers to realise this. You see, waiting to hear back, or not, from a publisher is the ultimate in learning patience. I have discipline, I couldn’t string together 90, 000+ words coherently without it. I can write decently, thanks to feedback and reading. But I have no idea if what I’ve written is good enough for the publishing gods and it is killing me!
Waiting is taking my level of patience to a new level and I have to be honest in saying that I handle it better when I am busy with other things. Give me nothing much to do and I start questioning everything I’ve ever done (I’m getting better at not doing this and enjoying the moment more). As someone commented to me the other day, you have to almost wipe your brain to forget you sent it off (thanks Sarah! That really resonated with me). So that is what I am attempting to do, stay so busy that my brain forgets that I have sent it off. Which will be hard because this is something I really want, but I also want to be happy and constantly fretting about it does not lead to happiness.
So the art of being patient, lets hope I learn it soon 😉
P.S. If you have any tips let me know, I can use help with this!